I haven’t posted here since July 1st. The reason is that on July 2nd, my wife had divorce papers served on me.  As you can imagine this pretty much rearranged all the priorities in my life and created an emotional firestorm.
I’m not going to go into any of the details here other than to share a few general thoughts with you, if you should ever be unfortunate enough to find yourself in this situation.
Be honest and open yourself to your friends. Let them see your thoughts, share you feelings and invite their comments and probes. There are always two sides to everything and we are far too prone to make up our own stories of ‘why’ and ‘how’ and then to believe in these stories because they comfort us and usually somehow excuse us of blame.
Some of my friend’s observations have been knife blades and some of their questions razors. And they’ve made me take my stories apart and put them together again several times.
One of my friends suggested that I should be compassionate and take the high road at every moment, if I was capable of it. And he was right; anger only begets anger.  But, he said, also be gentle on yourself, if you succumb.  We are all, after all human.
If you and your partner are capable of talking, do.  Open, listen, question, seek to understand.  Explain your side and listen deeply to her’s.  Cry and hold this other child of God who is just as hurt as you are. But be wary of the retraction or promise taken back or given in a bid to make the pain stop.
And if you meditate, then do.  Amid the all the pain and confusion, the light that lies within a good meditation smiles and gently embraces all of it and you.  All the thoughts and pain, all the confusion and hurt, they swirl like birds in an angry sky. And then they slowly gather in to a place beyond words that is always there waiting like an eternal mother that loves you deeply. Meditations can keep your feet on the ground in the storms.
I meditated a long time tonight and tried to see everything over the past four years or so through her eyes. And there was a lot to see and understand. And when I stood up, I was calmer and the world made just a little more sense.
Be well, my friends.  I will resume blogging soon but I make no promises. These life changes have a way of making us into new people. And I don’t know what I’m going to think is important then.
Dennis,
We’ve never met – but this long time rss subscriber wishes you well in a trying time.
Come back to blogging when you are ready.
All the best,
Cam
Dennis, I am saddened and troubled by the news. Please accept my sympathies as a virtual friend, and an offer of real-world friendship if you need it.
People are strange and complex beasts, of course. Knowing nothing about your circumstances I am only guessing, but I would like you to leave some corner of your consciousness open to the possibility that you really didn’t do anything especially wrong. Sometimes things just take an unfortunate turn.
Hang in there.
Naked and crying when you got here, but you got over it. I suppose you are still naked in a different way, but crying again. Nevertheless, you will get over it.
The one thing I am sure of, but no one else will tell you, “there is a very biter, but, even more important, a very very sweet liberation in this. I’ve known you a long time and you have always needed a life vest. Time to swim without one.
M
Dear Dennis,
For the past few months, I haven’t been reading many of my favorite sites I used to read in an attempt to free myself somewhat. I only now just spotted your blog update on my blog subscription page. I found myself feeling a significant heaviness and very real sadness for you when I read this latest post. I am sorry about the situation, Dennis.
I know that determining what is the best course of action for the impending future, in terms of moving to NZ, can be quite a source of anxiety and/or stress in a relationship. As always, my best wishes.
-elizabeth
So, so sorry Dennis. Wishing you peace and healing in this time. Mike and I look forward to meeting you across the Pacific….Take care.