Personal philosophy
I consider myself a spiritualist but my views have been simplifying over the years. I believe (not know) that there is a reason and purpose to existence but having said that, I doubt that entities such as we can understand it anymore than a dog can work out what a pile of encyclopedias are for. Reading scriptures and wondering which religion has a better handle on understanding spiritual matters has become passé for me. The nearest thing I can see to purpose is that matter spontaneously organizes itself via complexity into ever more intricate assemblages as it turns energy into organization. Eventually, these complex forms reach sentience and know that they exist and can see some of how they came to be though not for what purpose (which is where we are now as a species – somewhere mid-way along a continuum that we can only guess where it might go).
I consider this ability of matter to work itself into ever more complex forms in areas of excess energy (and thus against the general flow of entropy) to be part of what Spirit is up to as it raises matter to self awareness. So, in my personal life, anything I do that furthers this trend and preserves complexity (life) on earth from being torn down, I consider this to be ‘aligning myself with Spirit’ and thus right activity, right livelihood in the Buddhist sense.
I have another belief (and again, not a knowing) and that that this existence is configured in such a way that whatsoever we believe about it, that is how it will appear to work for us, subjectively. Thus the atheist sees a world where everything just is, because he believes it is so. And another man, if his beliefs so incline him, will see the hand of God behind every leave that falls.
Personally, I believe my life will be best lived if I align my purpose with my best understanding of what Spirit’s purpose is (I.e. evolution, growing complexity, increasing intelligence and awareness). And, to me, subjectively, my life does seem blessed and I believe this feeling of being blessed runs far deeper than the logic of self-fulfilling prophecies can explain.
So, as time passes, my belief that I can explain things rationally fades and comes down to a simple a-priori belief that existence has purpose and meaning and that life and complexity have something to do with it. On the other hand, my subjective feeling of being ‘connected’ to this purpose grows even as my ability to explain or understand it fades.
Everyday, when I roll out of bed and stand up, I stand in the darkness for a few moments and thank The Blessed One (my name for Spirit), for this body, this health, this intelligence, this wife, this life and these opportunities to experience and grow and participate. And each evening when we meditate, I remind myself what I think is deeply and perennially important as opposed to all of the trivia that fills us and distracts us from moment to moment, day to day.
I can’t explain it or defend it, but for me it gets stronger year by year and it doesn’t matter if is just my own little subjective world. I don’t believe in the function of priests – I think each of us is free to work out what their life is by what we conscious choose to believe about Spirit, life, purpose and meaning. And, if we are judged, then it can only be by how near or far from our beliefs our actions lie.